Running, running, running. I’m feeling the running in my muscles, bones and joints. I’m dreaming about running and I assume that’s because my muscles are screaming in protest when I move in my sleep. I’m using so much DoTERRA deep blue that I smell like a wintergreen breath mint. Poor Andy! He hurt the muscle in his right knee last night, so we’re matching gimps since my hip flexor is still wishing for more rest. We’re no longer spring chickens, I guess, and nothing brings that home more than celebrating your birthday either. I don’t feel any wiser or any better today. Matter of fact, I’m wallowing in self-pity instead of being positive. A frown is easier than a smile. One negative thought really does lead to another negative thought adding onto each other like Legos building a bridge to nowhere. Self-doubt creeps in because I’ve already given it a platform. I can be one of the most negative people that I know; I can’t write a blog about sharing the love of Jesus and being positive. Obviously, God has made a mistake because I’m too broken for this task. What was he thinking?
Hmm….Really? I mean really? It’s usually when I get to this point that my self-pity starts to slowly stop because the God of the universe doesn’t make mistakes. Now we’ve moved around a lot, and I have no problems navigating from state to state. I can plan a killer road trip, but I will get you lost every time when we actually get into the city. Why? Usually because I don’t trust my first instinct about where to turn or when to turn. I just leave early to give myself plenty of time to get lost when I drive somewhere new. After I got saved, I realized that my curse was actually a gift because I can never fully forget what it is to be lost, and God planned that because he was going to use that feeling later for his purposes and his kingdom. He uses our brokenness to further His plans.
So as a recovering negative, sarcastic jerk, I try to follow Proverbs 18:21 – the tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit. I try to use my words now to motivate and encourage to only speak life. See? God knows what He is doing after all. As someone who always has to check their natural reaction for cutting wit and sarcasm, I am more deliberate and always try to be positive with what I say. I never take being positive for granted, and perhaps that was God’s point all along. He uses our brokenness and our weaknesses and makes something beautiful and awesome from them.
When you need to get out of your next negative funk, start counting your blessings with as much fervor as you count your flaws. God doesn’t think you have flaws. He thinks you have potential that you’re not letting Him use yet, and remember. The God of the universe is never wrong even if we’re not sure what he is doing.